Sarcastic and Witty Thanksgiving Sayings

Here are some sarcastic and witty Thanksgiving sayings for those with an anti-Thanksgiving or sarcastic mood. While Thanksgiving is a day for us to be thankful, there are also some realities we often neglect about our own attitude during this celebration. The following sarcastic Thanksgiving sayings pinpoint these.

Voila! It’s Thanksgiving day, the day we are honestly thankful and mass-slaughter those birds unlike the other 364 days of the year. ~Tewin Sham (Facebook)

Coexistence:  What the farmer does with the turkey – until Thanksgiving.  ~Mike Connolly

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. ~Jon Stewart

We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing. ~George Carlin

It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with ‘gourmet’ status. ~Russell Baker

The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts.  No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.  ~H.U. Westermayer

Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.  ~Michael Dresser

Happy We-Stole-Your-Land-and-Killed-Your-People Day!  ~Thanksgiving toast, Movie Sweet November

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare.  They are consumed in twelve minutes.  Half-times take twelve minutes.  This is not coincidence.  ~Erma Bombeck

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. ~Johnny Carson

Thanksgiving, man.  Not a good day to be my pants.  ~Kevin James

Leave a Reply

  • (will not be published)